Why Are We So Ashamed to Cry?

Crying is one of the most natural, universal human responses we have. It’s our body’s way of signaling that something matters, that something is touching us deeply. And yet, so many of us, especially women, have been taught to swallow back tears, excuse ourselves, or apologize when we get visibly emotional.

I see this all the time: clients who say, “Sorry, I’m crying,” as if their expressions are not permitted. It always makes me pause—because why should something so human feel so shameful?

Part of the challenge is cultural. Women are often told they’re too sensitive or too emotional, and crying can feel like confirmation of those stereotypes. Many of us grow up absorbing the message that emotions make us weak or irrational. No wonder we learn to fight our tears, even when they’re trying to tell us something important.

And research backs this up: across many countries, women report crying more often and more intensely than men—not because women are inherently “weaker,” but because we’re socialized differently. From an early age, boys are told not to cry, while girls are told it’s acceptable but only to a point. Don’t be too much, don’t make others uncomfortable, don’t seem “unstable.” As we get older these mixed messages and feelings create shame and internal conflict, leaving many women torn between wanting to express their emotions and fearing how they’ll be perceived. We are constantly fed these messages through the media - women who cry are “crazy” and not to be taken seriously. Especially in the workplace, women are literally terrified to let a tear drop.

But here’s my take: crying is not weakness. Crying is information. It’s your body signaling that something is too heavy to hold in silence, or that a boundary has been crossed, or that something matters more than words can capture. Sometimes it’s grief. Sometimes it’s relief. Sometimes it’s simply your nervous system saying, I need a release. And especially in a safe space like therapy, it is totally normal and appropriate to express your tears.

In fact, emotional crying releases oxytocin and endorphins—our body’s natural soothing remedy. It isn’t just metaphorical when you feel relief after crying; there are real chemical shifts happening. Crying also activates the parasympathetic nervous system (our “rest and digest” mode), which means tears can help calm you down after your body has been in high alert. That heavy exhale, or the sense of letting go after a cry? That’s not weakness—it’s your body doing its job.

And for others, your tears can be a form of communication too. They let people know where you’re at, what you’re struggling with, or how deeply you’re impacted. They can invite connection—if we allow ourselves to be seen rather than shutting it down.With all that said, extreme weepiness or excessive crying could also be a sign of a more serious concern, like depression, so it is something that you need to monitor.

So the next time you think about crying as something to apologize for, see if you can shift the narrative and use it as an invitation to slow down, to pay attention, to ask yourself: What is coming up for me here? What needs my care and attention? My hope is that we can reframe tears as a form of wisdom, not weakness. When you cry, you’re not being “too much”, you’re being real.